Guest Post: Top Tips from another veteran military spouse

Military spouses = stone wall (mutual support)

Many of you already know my good friend Susanna who runs Military Duty Stations.  It is a wonderful site that she has put together, detailing information on just about every military post you can think of, including some obscure ones you may have never heard of.  How does she do it all?  She doesn't....she gets her visitors to write in entries, and I think it's awesome that so many contribute...BUT she is always looking for new and fresh information, so please take the time to go help and leave your comment on your current duty station, no matter how small.  We can't expect Susanna to do it all alone, and I think we can all benefit from her awesome work!

And without further delay, Susanna would like to share some of her veteran military spouse tips, as she has been on this bus herself while.

When you are a part of the military life there will be plenty of moments when you are alone or lonely. You will have to deal with the situation, hopefully without becoming bitter but finding new ways to live through it. Attitude is half the battle. Here are a few suggestions.

Planning
Forget planning anything. If you decide to plan then make sure that you realize your spouse might or might not be available for the event. Trying to find a date for our wedding was fairly challenging and one of the first lessons for me to learn.

Become independent
Yes, the military brings us spouses up to be Type A, go-getters. Sometimes this seems to backfire on them. Seriously, we are married but we have to know what to do and how to do it without having our spouse there. I remember that I have taken myself to surgery or childbirth before. Unfortunately, this tough exterior comes with a price as I have noticed to have little patience with some civilian wives. I am very sure that most of you know what I am talking about.

Holidays, birthdays, important dates
As mentioned before, planning is an issue when you live a military life. It is even more devastating when your loved one is missing an important event in your life. I believe that in my 18 years of marriage my husband missed...I guess half. However, I am not complaining, as I know that there are ladies out there who have a much lower percentage of their husbands being available.  Holidays have taken on a different dimension. While birthdays and Christmas are still very important, things have changed. Christmas is when we can celebrate it as a family and not necessarily as a date. Birthdays...well, you do the best you can. It will be helpful to look at these dates differently.

Don't buy into the drama
Drama, there is a lot of it. Not sure why. Is it because most of us spouses are female and drama like that might be a female trait?  Is it an outlet for spouses? I am not sure.  Seems that sometimes the drama comes from hurt feelings. Sometimes it's a part of old baggage, when things only seemed right when there was a lot of upheaval in life. I do believe though that we, I , have to do the right thing. I want to grow, do it better. I want to accept others' opinion, even if I don't agree with it. I don't want to be hateful, but put good vibes and some love out in this world in hopes that this goodwill spreads. You try it, it will make a lot of things easier.

Finding new ways of finding together
After frequent or long-term separations it will become important to discover new ways to find your way back together.  Don't be too hard on yourself.....but know that you are stronger than you think. If your gut tells you one thing there is a chance you are right and you need to go with your gut until the situation is resolved. Don't take NO for an answer until you are satisfied. Disclaimer: You might step  on a few toes.

Seek support, support others!

Don't try and fight a situation by yourself. Find and join a support network, help if you can.

Thanks Susanna for those inspiring words.  It sure gives us something all to think about whether we've been in military life for 30 days or 30 years!  Thanks for your words of wisdom!