Kids and the top 5

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Your kids do what you do.  Have you ever noticed that?  We obviously play a huge part in who are kids are and will be on their own...when no one is looking.  I've talked kid stuff before.  I have not always followed my advice, but this much is clear.

After all our child rearing...which continues on of course....these are the top five things I try to drill into our kids' heads:

• Setting the example.  I know I'm honest and hardworking.  I don't have a problem with that.  It's the little things that get me....like leaving dirty dishes in the sink (I have) or not picking clothes up from the floor (I have too).  I don't care how much you preach to your kids...if you don't do it yourself, you might as well go and talk to the wall.
• Consistency.  Same response every time.  I don't like this one.  I get lazy sometimes.  Sometimes I am just too tired or I don't want to get up, or I have a secret desire for all of us to play a little hookey while dad is gone.  I try to stop myself....a lot....this is your bedtime, this is when you do your homework, this is what happens when you don't do your homework and so on.
• Chores.  Gotta have them.  I had them, my parents had them, and I'm pretty sure my grandparents had more of them.  I hate the chore chart.  I always forget.  My older son fills it in sometimes for us...how accurate is that?  I am a firm believer that if a child feels like they are contributing to the household, they will be a more active and caring individual in that household, plus it helps me with my next point.
• Punishment and Rewards.  We've grown out of the star stickers...but, I still track their chores vs. what they earn.  I don't spank....but I sure do take things away.  So does dad.  Now that they have laptops, I have more choices of things to take away.  I see they are more attentive now and realize the whole "action/consequence" thing.  I don't know if it's because I have more to take away or because they have more stuff.
• Doing what's right when no one is looking.  That's a mouthful.  When they finally get that (they haven't completely), then I feel I have done my job as a mother and parent...it's a beautiful thing to see it happen the first time.  To get to this point, you have to follow the points above.
 

Do you have any points to add along these lines?

My man Mike Rowe and the letter

I got a crush on this guy when I first saw Dirty Jobs.  My whole family used to watch the show, cause this Mike Rowe is such a character, and the stuff they did was just...dirty...and gross.  You know, like boy stuff.  My boys also used to be in Scouting....I like some of the things scouting teaches young boys about being responsible for yourself and life lessons.  What do the two have to do with each other and why is it so important?  If you have kids, read on.

To understand "the letter", you have to know a little bit about Mike Rowe.  I thought he was just some wise-cracking actor at first...quick-witted, but there are other quick-witted actors out there, right?  Well, come to find out that this six foot something actor....stop the drooling.... is also a classically trained opera singer, among other things.........and a father of a scout asked him to send words of encouragement to his son to continue with Scouting, specifically, becoming an Eagle Scout.  Below is Mike's response...even if you are not into Scouting, it'll give you something to think about, and we've kept the letter and when the chips are down....as they will be at one time or another, we'll get it out and read it again....take what you want from it for your own situation.

Kelby, 

Your Dad asked me to drop you a line and say something inspirational that might persuade you to dig down deep and find the determination to make the rank of Eagle Scout. It's a reasonable request, from a father who obviously wants to see his son succeed. But here’s the thing - The Eagle Award is not really meant for people who need to be dragged across the finish line. It’s meant for a select few, and I have no idea if you have the guts to see it through. Statistically, I suspect you do not. Only one out of a hundred Scouts make Eagle, so if you fail, there will be lots of other people with whom you can share excuses. Quitting now might disappoint your Dad, but I doubt that he or anyone else will be overly surprised. Anytime 99 out of 100 people do the same thing, it’s not exactly a shock. I’m not trying to be cute with a bunch of reverse psychology. When I was 15, there was nothing that anyone could have said to me that would have inspired me to do something I didn't want to do, especially a stranger with a TV show. So I’m not going to assume you’re any different, or pretend that I have some influence or insight that you haven’t already heard from a dozen other people who actually know and care about you. I’ll just tell you straight up, that doing something extraordinary can be very lonely, and most people simply aren’t cut out for it. Being an Eagle Scout requires you to be different than most everyone around you, and being different is really, really hard. That’s why the award is called “an accomplishment.” Personally, and for whatever it’s worth, the best decisions I've made in my own life, are those decisions that put me on the outside of being cool. Singing in the Opera, working in home shopping, staring in the school play when the entire football team laughed at me, and especially earning my Eagle, were all choices that required sacrifice, hard work, and delayed gratification. I have no idea if you possess those qualities, or even envy them. But I can tell you for certain, that NOT getting your Eagle, will be one of the easiest things you’ve ever done. Anyway, I have no idea if you would prefer an easy life of predictability and mediocrity, or if have [you] the passion to follow the road less traveled. Only you get to decide that. 


Good luck,
Mike

What do you think?

Country Kids in a Big City

My fingers have been itching to write! I never posted after our Berlin trip. What a wonderful city known for always changing but somehow remaining the same. The weather was gorgeous and with our Berlin Welcome Card, we traveled all over the city on the transit system without having to worry about purchasing or validating more tickets. I still remember getting around the city on just my military ID card back in the day, but I am dating myself with that comment. Since our boys are 10 and 12, I had to go over the "yes we are in a big city, and we're not in Kansas anymore" speech. Here's what I told my kids to give them the tools they needed, not to get lost and how to handle themselves should something go wrong.

Here are some tips you can use for the speech to your kids:

• Look around. My kids tend to walk and yak and yak and before they know it, they are way ahead or way behind. Have them look around and be aware of where they are. Don't let them cross the next crosswalk until you get there, and always keep them in front of you rather than behind.
• Arm them with a cheap prepaid cell phone. They only cost 20 euro, and it is worth the peace of mind should they get separated. Preprogram your cell phone number into the phone.
• Paper with hotel name, number and your cell phone number. Everyday, they carried an index card with this information on it. When you are scared, you can get forgetful and forget everything.
• Small change in pocket. This was psychological. It's not like the change would make a difference in anything other than the confidence it instilled in my children.
• Store owners/managers or police officers only. I have always told my kids, even when they were little, if they ever were to get separated, they were to immediately approach someone working in a store or a policeman. This is their best chance of someone being honest and truly helping them.
• Clue the kids in on your schedule. My kids always know the schedule of events of the day. That way, they could say where we were going next.
• No names on backpacks or bags. You might as well put a sign on your kid saying, "hey child molester, over here!"; knowing a child's name gives a sexual predator a huge leg up. Research shows that a child will become more trusting of someone as soon as that person starts using their name. Don't write it on their school backpacks either, unless you write it on the inside somewhere out of sigh.
• Have the talk. Tell your kids about peoples' appearances and looking perfectly normal but not knowing what they are like on the inside. It is okay to be wary of people and not talking to someone you don't know is not considered rude.
  
• Walk on the inside. On sidewalks, have them walk on the inside, away from the street. While you are at it, keep your purse on the inside too. In Italy especially, you will regularly see mopeds whipping by with someone looking to grab someone's purse.

What tips can you share for kids out and about?

He Wore His School Pants to Soccer Practice Among Other Things

This was the first day the kids were on their own after school. Since mommy works now, they had to get their homework done, get off to soccer practice and get their own dinner. Since I get home after the dinner hour, three nights a week, it is going to be a challenge with dinner, especially when hubby has his deployments and trips out of town. I thought it was okay.... once a week, the kids could eat what they wanted at the food court. I'm still getting used to the $7 slice of pizza, but really, we can afford once a week and the kids...I don't know why...always want to eat at the food court, so this way they'll get a little treat. Everything seemed to run smoothly at first.

The kids called me after they got home and dutifully gave me a report. When the time rolled around for soccer practice, I was lucky that my building was right by the field, so I was able to look out and see them show up 10 minutes early. Okay, so they can handle being on time for something. They then stopped by before walking over to the food court. Of course one was wearing his nice school pants and neither had a jacket or sweatshirt. I had to give them the lecture about being in Germany and how the weather could change from sun to snow in the blink of an eye.

I was patting myself on the back til I got home. I couldn't even open the door, as the backpacks had regurgitated everything in them and the mess was strewn all over the floor. My next stop the kitchen....well, I knew exactly what I had, cause all the burrito wrappers and cookie boxes were all over the counter and dishes were stacked up in the sink. The dog also came running with his food dish. Guess someone didn't get fed.

I didn't hear the kids, but I heard the Playstation. Our rule is no Playstation during the week and only for a certain amount of time on the weekends. They were both neck deep in the Playstation and I don't think they even heard me come in. They pretended this was okay. It was not.

After I asked to see homework, I found out it wasn't completed. The little one said he had printer issues. His teacher is high tech and puts all their homework and extra credit, not to mention some other things, all online. My 11 year old's teacher gives minimal homework, but he hadn't done his either. Some excuse about having a problem with one of the math word problems. So that precluded you from doing the whole thing, cause you were stuck on one question, right?

So now what? There are going to be three days a week I'll not be home. I keep telling myself they did just fine. They just have to get in a routine. Since I am a bit obsessive compulsive about things being in order, it got on my nerves to clean up after them...but then I keep telling myself, they are boys...as if that explains everything. Am I being too hard on them? Are your kids somewhat on their own? How do you do it?

What are your kids doing online?

You've probably already had it drilled into your head....know what your kids are doing online. We do have software on our computer, watching over things....our kids are not savvy enough to have figured out how to bypass it just yet. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. We do follow some other basic rules, such as having our computer in a central location, as well as letting the kids know that they are to never post their real names, location, address, phone number, school, birthdays or any other personal information online. Just like those trolling online for kids, they have mastered the "fake persona" on mom-approved sites and webpages. Even their church plugs into some faith-based message board, where kids from around the world connect. As positive a site as it is, I still don't allow them to use real information. But what else can you do to keep your kids safe?

I recently read the book, What in the World are Your Kids Doing Online by Barbara Melton and Susan Shankle. Now it's a pretty hefty book, and if you get a chance, do get it from your local library

My favorite recommendations from the book include:

• Never say anything in email or instant message that you wouldn't say in person....to pretty much everyone...everything you type on that computer can be tracked, either from your computer or your internet provider's servers...nothing is ever truly deleted.

• Realize that there is such a thing as internet addiction and know that many young kids are heavily getting into internet gambling. I saw an expose a few months ago where they tracked students at some Midwest high school, and you'd think these kids were on drugs...they weren't...they were just addicted to gambling online. Not only was their school work suffering, but their physical and emotional health, not to mention all the credit cards and money they had stolen from family and friends...what a downhill spiral!
  

• If you choose to allow your child to have a My Space page or any other social networking page, get added as a friend there and frequently check in. Let your child know that what they post online, including pictures that may seem harmless now, can come back to haunt them later, especially when they try to get a job. Make sure they know that ANYTHING they put online will be permanent, even if they choose to erase it later. Let them know there are servers out there that archive the web, one being archive.org, and that nothing undone is truly undone.
  

• Cyber-bullying is real and can be very harmful. Keep lines of communication open with your child. Discuss what they see and do online and don't chastise them or make them feel shameful when they happen to see things online they maybe shouldn't....talk it through.

• What does your child do when you walk by the screen? Do they turn it off? Do they act "funny"? Are there multiple tabs on the bottom of the screen?

What tips do you have to share that you use to keep your kids safe online?

Great Toddler Game - Look for the Clues

I somehow came across an old video of my then two year old son, running through the house, pointing here and there. After a closer look, I realized he was playing "find the pawprint"! I just asked him about it...and you know he is 10 now, and he STILL remembers this little game. It was a favorite of ours, didn't require any store bought junk, required little effort (thinking) on my part and resulted in huge joy and hand clapping on his part. If you've got a toddler, and you'd like to keep him busy....wherever you go, cause this game is very portable, follow along with me.

The gist of this game is a seek and find exercise that gives your little one's brain a nice workout, burns off some excess energy and gets you moving in the right direction when things are boring, tense or just not happenin' for either of you.

You'll need:

• Three Blue's Clues Pawprints, which you can print off on blue paper (or color blue), cut out and prep on the back with double sided or a looped piece of tape.

How to play the game:

• Tell your child you're going to play "Find Blue's Clues!"
• Go into another room (or throughout the house) and quickly stick up each pawprint in a different location
• Get your child and ask him/her to find the pawprints
• It helps to sing the little Blues Clues song too
  

I am still amazed at how excited my son got when he found each clue. He wanted to play the game over and over again until I could distract him with the next activity.

Try it out and let me know how your child likes it. Also, if you have any other toddler-friendly games that your child really likes, let's hear about it!

Give so they can do anything but not nothing

Warren Buffet once said, "Give enough to your kids so they can do anything, but do not give them too much so they can do nothing." Love the quote! So the great billionaire Warren Buffet, instead of just throwing money at his kids, he's giving them just enough to learn how to deal with money and to make a difference in the world...kudos to him. We are no Warren Buffets.....so how do the rest of us get our kids in the right mindset when it comes to money?

• Kids need to learn early on that working for money builds character. This is why many parents are moving towards the commission based system rather than the allowance system.

• Lead by example. It does no good to preach to your kids about living within your means and delaying gratification if you can't do it yourself. Kids will copy what you do. Do what I do and not as I say, right?

• I blogged once before that our kids do not just get things from the store on a whim...if it's not a birthday or a major holiday, they ain't gettin' it (and now they don't even ask). If they see something they like, they save up for it or use some of their own money from their piggy bank. I let them exchange the money for the item at the checkout counter themselves. Make sure you tell them about sales tax and how that figures in. My kids understood that concept as early as when they were seven years old.

• Don't always bail your kids out. My kids have done without when they didn't plan ahead. How often does this happen? Almost never now. This isn't quite as effective when they are smaller, but it sure is when they are teens and older. You have to sit back and think...am I helping them or enabling them? If I give them this money, will it get them out of a bind and on the road to being independent or am I making them be more dependent by doing this? For example, let's say your child is constantly letting the gas run low on their car and is always asking for a handout. They don't plan ahead. So, let's say you don't give them the money next time...and they just can't go out or they do without. It's not going to kill them. As soon as they figure out they need to be more responsible and you won't bail them out every time...they will forced to be more responsible. It's almost magical.
  

• Teach them about money and limits and delaying gratification. Talk to them about money coming in and money going out, living on credit, what an interest rate is and how it affects them. I am always shocked our schools don't teach basic money management. It's up to you, the parents, to send your kids down the right path. Don't rely on anyone else. A child as young as eight can understand these concepts..that's when our kids "got it".
  

• When your child is 13, open up a checking account for them. Have them deposit their babysitting or lawnmowing money in there. Show them how to do a checkbook ledger. Show them what happens when you don't keep track and get overdrawn. How will they ever do this stuff as an adult if you don't teach them now?

• If they absolutely want to have that next big ticket item, get them to cut out a picture with the price, and put it on their wall as an incentive to save. It may even be cheaper by the time they actually get out there and buy it.

• It's okay for your child to make mistakes. Better to make them now then when they are totally on their own. My motto has always been to learn from others' mistakes, but for kids, screwing up themselves tends to make the concepts stick more.
  

Continue to set a good example for them. They learn by watching you. Set them up for success early in life and spare them the mistakes later...when they are more costly.

How do you teach your kids about money?

Motherhood Condensed to Two Minutes and Fifty-Five Seconds

I hope everyone enjoyed their Mother's Day! In case you haven't seen it, I wanted to share this hilarious video. It's basically everything a mom would say to her kids in a 24 hour period...and I think she does it without breathing. Listen in and Happy Mother's Day!

Place Oxygen Mask Over Your Face Before Helping Children

Remember your last flight? You know, when the flight attendant briefs you on putting the oxygen mask over your face before helping your children. Why is that? Because if you pass out for lack of oxygen, fiddling with trying to help your kids...neither of you will be helped. The same goes for kids and money. This post is especially for you folks with teens in the house. Before handing out your next chunk of change to your kid, remember this.

• Being overgenerous with your kids will actually backfire on your child. Your child will think money does not need to be earned and that it grows on trees. They will forever have a screwed up vision of money and managing their life.

• When you give your teen or adult child money, will it speed up or prolong their dependency? If you are constantly bailing them out and giving them a hand out, how will they learn to be independent? If you have a situation where you can give them money to get them to the next level, then by all means, do it. I just want you to go through this thought process before handing it out...every time, thinking you are helping them, when you may in fact not be.
  

• There is a better chance of your kid somehow finding money for college (work/study programs, scholarships, grants) than you later finding money to fund your retirement. Your retirement should come first, then save for college. You don't want to be a burden to your kids when you are older than dirt do you? Save now so this won't happen to your family.

• Foster responsibility and independence early on. Teach your kids that the decisions and habits they have now can and will have consequences. Didn't do your homework, well, then no tv today? Didn't clean the cat litter box? Sorry, you won't be able to go over to Johnny's house today. Start this early and when they are young, and you won't have a problem later on when teenage hormones start affecting their brainwaves!

• Encourage your kids to save early on. Our kids do not get toys and junk unless it is Christmas or their birthday. And you know what, they don't ask for anything, except around those times of year..and they have had a bright and fulfilling childhood. When they do get a surprise gift at any other time, they truly are surprised and appreciate it more. If they really, really want something, I encourage them to cut out a photo, write down the price, and start saving. If it's something high priced, I might even offer to match what they can save up.

How do you deal with your kids when they have a case of the gimmies? How do you go about with money and your children?

Added 5/7/2008:

Another thought, how about matching your child's savings? I know someone who opened up an IRA for their teenager. Every dollar that child puts into that account from her waitressing job, the parents are matching it...what an incentive! You can also do this with your child's piggy bank. Every time she decided to put the money in there rather than spend it, you can match it. I like that.

Did You Know (Weird Stuff Your Kids May Get a Kick Out Of)?

Yesterday was a nice beach day for us. We went over to St Pete Beach and enjoyed the sun and surf. The Spring Break crowd had already left, so we had most of the place to ourselves. We happened to pass by the 1920s era Don Cesar Hotel...the gaudiest, strangest looking "pink wedding-cake-like" structure I've ever seen. The hotel, like many grand hotels, has a history of opulence and a time period where it was almost razed. Did you know it takes 12,000 gallons of pink paint to cover the entire structure? Your average home takes about 15. My 10 year old son happened to tell me that...how did he know that? Turns out, he has a treasure trove of other interesting facts he loves to throw at me, so I thought I'd share some of them today. Who knew?



Did you know....?

• 93-95% of greeting cards are bought by women.

• The Brooklyn accent saying words such as "dese, dem and dose" came from the original Dutch settlers. Who has a typical Brooklyn accent? Well, Bugs Bunny of course.

• The last Canadian dollar bill was issued in 1989. It was replaced by the dollar coin, the "loonie" after the loon bird that is engraved on it.

• Your kitchen sponge has more bacteria in it than your toilet (another reason to change out your sponge everyday; I wash ours in the daily wash or you can use your dishwasher).

• There are 6,800 languages in the world, but experts think half will be extinct by the end of this century.

• Gelatin, an important ingredient in Jello, marshmallows and Gummi Bears, is made from cow or pig bones, hooves and connective tissue.

• All cats and most dogs cannot taste sugar.

• Women actually fart three times more than men..they are just more discrete about it.

• Antiobiotics have no effect on viruses, just bacteria. Remember that the next time you go to your pediatrician and demand an antibiotic just because your kid has a virus. This is why we also have so many antibiotic-resistant bacterial strains out there...overuse of antibiotics.

• Men carried purses long before women did.

• In public restrooms, the first stall is typically the cleanest because it's the least likely to be used.

• A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time, being 1/100th of a second.

• Only 22% of people say they would risk their life to save their husband or wife. But 85% say they would risk their life to save their pet.

• The chicken is the closest living relative to the T-rex dinosaur.

• Corn does not grow in the wild, nor was it ever growing in the wild; humans domesticated it by mixing two different types of wild grasses. So really, humans "invented" corn.

• Most lipsticks contain fish scales.

• One in every four Americans has appeared on TV.

• More money is spent on gardening than any other hobby.

• It is impossible to lick your elbow.

• 40% of McDonalds' profits comes from Happy Meals.

• Flushing the toilet with the lid open will cause minute particles of water droplets...from the toilet...to float around your bathroom, and potentially settle on your toothbrush and whatever else you have sitting out. We keep the lids closed in our house.
  

• Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.

• A person will die from lack of sleep sooner than from starvation. You will die in about 10 days without sleep but can last a few weeks without food.

And on that note, I will end here. Many of these facts came from my son's Bathroom Reader Series books by Uncle John. I'll admit, I've even glanced at a few. If you're ever looking for a birthday gift for a 9 to 10 year old..this is it. Do you have any strange and interesting facts to share?

Thinking of Hosting a Foreign Exchange Student?

Don't do it! Seriously though, many of you know we have hosted a German exchange student this past school year. We did not go into it with our eyes wide open, but instead, it seems with eyes sewn shut! We've had our ups and downs, things we would've done differently, but also nice surprises here and there of having a young teenager in the house. Honestly, it has been a positive experience and we have a cartload of stuff we can apply to our own kids when they get to be that age.

Be sure to keep these thoughts in mind when choosing and hosting your exchange student:

• Pick a student with similar interests to your own. Don't pick a student who is heavy into outdoor sports, thinking your bookworm family will changes its ways...you won't and both of you will be unhappy in the end. Read the student letters and bios VERY carefully and look for clues of immaturity, dominance, chauvenism and possible (more noticeable and problematic) character flaws too. If there is something you absolutely don't want to deal with, then pick another student.
  

• Realize that a boy student is easier than a girl student, so if this is your first experience, I would certainly pick a boy. We all know teenagers, right? I am a girl myself, so I make no excuses in saying that a teenage girl is much more difficult to deal with than a boy...I've seen it myself and been told it over and over again by other parents.

• You don't necessarily have to have teenage children already in your household to host. We have two young boys and thought it would be nice for them to have a big brother. Unfortunately, it didn't work out quite the way we would've liked. We have a very gregarious young man who loves to play soccer and be with his friends, so he rarely interacts with our boys. Be prepared for something like this happening and make up your mind ahead of time if this will disappoint you or not before you choose someone to share your life. Our program had another family with three young adopted children from China. They hosted a young man from China, hoping he could share his culture and his general being with those kids. Well, those kids were so unruly, and this boy was a professional piano player who tended to like things calm and orderly. It was not a good mix.
  

• When they first arrive, don't have a huge party. Your student will be exhausted. Some take many travel days to get here, depending on where they are coming from. Plus, they have to deal with time changes, cultural changes and just the change of being in a new place with absolute strangers and no familiar family in sight! Integrate them slowly. When you first meet them, ask them if they are hungry, take care of those needs, then go home and let them sleep. Let them take a few days to get adjusted. There will be time for a party next weekend (or whenever), as well as showing them around. Don't give them too much to process the first few days.

• Have basic toiletries on hand. Many don't travel with much stuff and may be too embarrassed initially to say they need something. We always have a basket of toiletries and toothbrushes in our guest bathroom for all guests. Let them know they can help themselves. No need for them to ask!

• Do show them where you keep basic stuff. Go ahead and give them a quick tour around the house after they arrive, just to show them the basics. Show them where the snacks are and where to put their dirty laundry. Tell them when mealtimes are. Later, let them empty the dishwasher and the trashcan...what better way to learn where everything goes? Make sure you tell them they are not a guest but part of the family, and then treat them accordingly.
  

• Realize you may get some cultural resistance. Many of these kids come from cultures where moms do all the housework or dads say what goes. Let them know how you do things here. Remind them they are here on an exchange, and that to be a part of your family, they will do things the way you do things. Don't listen to the excuse that I can't make my bed because that is lady's work...uhh uhhh...not here it ain't!
  

• Your water, electric and whatever bill will be higher. Most teenagers LOVE to shower. Our boy takes two or three long showers a day. Water in Florida is expensive. Just be sure to budget for these extra expenses or be prepared to teach them about conservation.

• Your food bill will be higher. Teenagers eat....a lot. I also had to shop more often and buy snacks and things like that...teenagers like to eat pizzas and snack stuff rather than regular meals, although we do try to sit down as a family at least a few days a week and required this of our student too.

• Figure out ahead of time how you will deal with situations and money. We decided beforehand, that whatever we spent money on with our kids, we spent it on our student too. If we went out to eat, to an amusement park, shopped for Christmas gifts, our student was treated as one of our children. For extra expenses, such as when he goes out with his friends on his own (which is almost all the time...kids love to go out to eat and spend money) and clothing and other knick knacks he may want to buy, those were on his own dime, and he understood that ahead of time.

• Have a rules talk. Within days of our student arriving, we sat down with him, in fact, we wrote it all down in very plain English, what was expected of him. He ended up posting it on his bulletin board in his room. It listed his curfews (schoolnights and weekends), no drinking, driving, drugs and that kind of thing and what his chores and responsibilities would be. Our student cleans his bathroom every other week (he rotates that with our kids) and gets $20 for mowing our huge lawn. Otherwise, we ask him to keep his room clean and pick up around the house when he sees something out of place. Of course, we constantly have to remind him of many of these things, which I believe are just part of normal teenage behavior.

• Have them realize there will be consequences when (not if) they screw up. You are standing in for the student's parents. Our student's mom actually told him if he screws up, he will be on the first plane back home. They have to learn responsibility. If they come in late from curfew, then take something away from them, whether it's internet, TV or going out (a big one for them). Most teenagers LOVE to sleep in and hey, if they miss their ride to school, let them sweat it out and figure it out themselves. Our student had to go flying through our subdivision on my son's little scooter one morning, trying to catch his last chance for a ride. He made it, but next time, he got up when his alarm rang. These kids have to learn to be adults, and if you baby them, make their school lunch, make their bed for them or wake them up in the morning, they will never learn (remember this with your own kids too). We also had the "sex talk"...I wanted him to make sure I knew what the deal was and if there was any hanky panky that gets him or a girl in trouble, he was going to be on the first plane home, no questions asked.
  

• Try to have some kind of contact with their parents. My student's parents were worried about having their son in someone else's care. I regularly send photos and email, plus I know I will get his mom's support when things go wrong. She has stood behind me 100% so far, and we wouldn't have had this rapport without this back and forth contact. Can't speak their language? Then use the Altavista's Babelfish Translator to try to get your point across. Email makes that easy. Even if the parents don't have email at home, in many countries, they can figure a way to access email elsewhere.

• You may end up being a bus driver. We were lucky in that our student made tons of friends and always had a ride somewhere. We do know other students who didn't have friends who drove and the host parents had to drive them everywhere..not so difficult if your student ends up being a homebody or has only a few friends, but if they join a sport, such as ours did, with multiple practices a week, it might've been close to impossible for me, taking into consideration my husband's deployments and our own kids' schedules.

• Schedule some family activities. I made sure to schedule some events for our family, including our student. Give them a head's up well ahead of time to make sure they understand they will be attending the event. Many students think it is almost all fun and games when they come here. Ours doesn't want to do anything without his friends, so we sometimes have to rein him in and remind him that he is here on an exchange and not on a party bus. Let them know their world revolves around your family and not them.
  

• Have a set-up for your student's privacy. Kids at this age should have some sort of privacy. Don't dig through their stuff and if you can, give them a room they can call their own. This is important. Our student knows that his room is his and his alone and that I don't even go in there other than to peek in to make sure it is somewhat in order and all the four walls are still standing.

• Decide what you want to do about the cellphone situation. It seems like every teenager has a cellphone these days. Our student says kids text message all day long, even when they are standing right next to each other. We couldn't add our student to our cellphone plan, because we didn't want to incur any more time in our contract due to our upcoming move. Plus, we would've had to uptick our minutes and add text messaging, which we don't have. So, our student had his mom send his phone from home, and we set it up as a prepaid phone. He ended up going through his minutes like water, especially with all the incoming text messages he had to pay for too, so he eventually started leaving it at home when he went to school...a good and smart decision if you ask me in the first place. He has learned to be thrifty and to delay gratification with the thing.

• No TV or computer/internet in the teen's room. When we went over the rules, we set down the internet rules as well. If you don't want to trust them and are a little paranoid, you can always get one of those software monitoring programs on your computer and set them up with their own user id (not as administrator). Keep the computer and TV in the common areas of your house (this is a must for your kids too). You want them to know you are monitoring what they are doing, and that you are keeping track of the time they spend online. I think ours learned the wonders of My Space over here, although I think he was already a messaging wizard before he came here. I have heard it can be a real problem keeping them off the internet for hours, as many want that contact with home (and their friends), and this behavior is discouraged in order for this exchange to work as it should.
  

• Insist that they call their parents and family at least every other week. This frequency seems to work out best. Once a week is too often and longer than two weeks wrecks havoc on the poor parents. We have lowcost long distance/international phone service and our host family was also able to find a deal at two cents a minute. You can't beat that! Check Phonedog to find a lowcost long distance provider in your area.

• Query them about their likes and dislikes, and try to make them feel at home. Most will get homesick at some point. Ours had no problem at the beginning, it is at the end of his stay that he is starting to feel down and apprehensive about going back. Give them a chance to tell you their wants and needs. Buy snacks and toiletries and things for around the house they might need. We made up a basket of goodies and gadgets, such as a pocketknife, pen flashlight, dictionary, Post It Notes, a popular novel and office and desk items our student might have needed for school. We included a nice note and put this on his desk in his room before his arrival. The kids also made a welcome home sign for his bedroom door. Before I go to the grocery store or wherever, I do let him know I am going beforehand and leave my shopping list where he can add things to it.

• Encourage your student to answer the home phone. Ours used to run the other way when it rang. I finally had to tell him to answer it. Now that he has his confidence up, he has no problem answering it. Try to get them in situations where they can get their confidence going in the right direction. You can start with a non-threatening thing such as the phone..it's not face-to-face contact, and if they totally screw up, they can still run and find you and give you the phone. The more they do something, the better they'll get at it and the more they'll get out of the exchange experience.

• Do take the tax deduction when you do your taxes. Right now, you can take a $50 tax deduction per month for hosting a student. In actuality, you spend much more, but that's what the law says right now.

• Along those same lines, don't host a student if you are short on money. Hosting a student costs at least a few hundred extra dollars per month. If you can't spare that, then don't host. Don't put a student in a situation where you are always pinching pennies. You will also tend to resent that unknowing student, and that's just not fair to them. Most of these exchange programs cost many THOUSANDS of dollars for the student and his family. Many scrimp and save for years or have to ask a rich uncle to help them out. This is a big thing for them. Don't blow it for them, and be prepared to be somewhat generous. I think many host parents don't realize the costs involved going into this (both in time and money), so I just wanted to get that out there so you can mull it over!

Those are the highlights, and these are the things we have learned over the past few months. Would we do it again?....probably. I would rethink though having a student the year before we make a big move overseas, but it has mostly been a positive experience for us all. There are many student foreign exchange programs out there. There are a few shady ones as well that you need to stay away from. You can check the Committee for Safety of Foreign Exchange Students to read some of the complaints. We had a lot of luck with Youth for Understanding, a program that's been around since the end of WWII. I must say, they go through a lot of trouble to make sure their students are prepared before they arrive, they have activities and get togethers for the students, and they monitor their stay and try to make it a positive experience for both the host family and the student. Have you ever hosted a foreign exchange student? Have you been one yourself?

Free Summer Camp for Military Kids

Before I forget, National Military Family Organization is a great resource for military wives. they have a special place in their hearts for kids. Be sure to check out their Operation Purple, which is a summer camp program for military kids...and it is free. Check at their site for locations near your area and apply now before all the spots are gone!

Is Your Teen Getting Ready to Drive?

I know we're not quite there yet. We have an 8 year old and a 10 year old. But believe me, I've already started thinking about it! I do have friends with teenagers and of course I can draw on my own experience as a teen too. You might want to keep these tips in mind before you give your kids that freedom and allow them this privilege...yes, because it is a privilege and not a right, as much as they would like to think otherwise.

• The more they practice, the better. I still remember learning to drive my dad's stick shift. I happened to have a horse at the time, and the only way to get out to the stable was with that car and its stick shift. I honestly was terrified to stop at a stoplight or intersection, I really was. So, over the summer, my German grandfather, parked me behind the seat of his car and had me practice day in and day out on a little hill in the backyard. That's how I gained my confidence. I also drove a lot with my parents in tow. There is no better way to learn than actual driving hours. Keep that in mind when your child still has their learner's permit and they consistently pester you to go out driving with them.
  

• Before they even begin to drive, have them sign a contract. The contract should outline their responsibilities as well as what will happen when they screw up. They have to learn about actions and consequences. They need to learn it early, before they make bigger mistakes later on on life. Here is an excellent example of the points to go over as well as a sample contract.
  

• Don't automatically give them a car. You will be missing a very valuable teaching moment, again about responsibility, delaying gratification and saving up for something before you go out and buying it. You can bet my kids will have afterschool jobs bagging groceries or whatever, to save up at least half of the cost of their car. Mom and dad pay half, kid pays half. Otherwise, they can share the family car, whenever you don't need it. Set these priorities from the get go.
  

• Share the car owning responsibilities. You don't totally want to throw them to the wolves just yet, but if they want to be a grown-up and drive a car, then they need to be a grown-up and take some more responsibility. Have them buy their own gas and maybe you can pay for their insurance. Whatever the cost of car ownership, share the burden.

Those are, I think, the highlights of your teen and coming-of-driving age. USAA also has a good article about teens, driving and finances, and of how that goes hand in hand. Encourage your child to do well in school, as this can be a big help in lowering your car insurance, cause you know it is going to go up dramatically, just having a driving teen in the house!

What tips do you have about teens and driving? What valuable lessons did you learn from your parents? What did you not know then but you know now?

Why was my Son a Lemming?

I always thought I did a good job with our kids. They know right from wrong...I thought they did...and they are generally thoughtful and loving, especially my youngest. This is why I was so surprised he did what he did a few days ago.

Our boys do Cub Scouts. They just had their annual Blue & Gold Banquet, celebrating the birthday of Scouting. The boys, as boys will do, got tired of the somewhat long-winded program. Pretty soon, the scheduled turn of events morphed into a room full of paper airplanes. The scouts stayed busy, first by drawing on their airplanes. Next thing I know, my youngest comes back with his prized airplane, decorated in a swastika, the words "Nazi Bomber" and some other dreck inscribed on the side. What???!!!

Don't forget, our German exchange student was sitting right at the table. He took one look and calmly said, "Somebody needs a history lesson" and left it at that. Mom bit her tongue and gave my son the evil eye. Son dutifully erased what he had done and the banquet ended.

After he sincerely apologized, we had a long talk about it at home. I didn't want to hear the excuses that an older boy at the banquet pressed him to do that. That made it even worse! Since when did my son become a lemming? Following blindly along was worse than the artwork itself in my opinion! Well, we went over the whole Nazi/Hitler thing, because I'm sure he didn't totally get that, and then I asked him the ubiqitous, "If someone told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" Of course, his answer was "NO!"

Anyway, there was a teaching point here, and you can bet I hammered it home:

• There are people languishing in jail today because they did exactly what someone told them to do, without thought and without reflection

• Whatever you do right now can have bigger consequences later

• Be a leader and not always a follower

• Learn to catch the signs or at least know or suspect when someone is trying to jive you

• Take at least a split second to think before you do something

• It's perfectly okay to say "no" to some bozo older kid, egging you on to do something

We'll see what happens in the future. He's had a bad week. He is home from school today..there goes his perfect attendance record...because he hurt his foot falling off his friend's bike and can't rightly walk..no helmet, no shirt and no shoes...his doctor was surprised to hear that and boy did I feel like a bad mom when we went to go see him yesterday....but that is another story all together.

What have your kids done lately that has astounded you? Do you have a story to share?

The New Military Brat

Since I am one myself and raising two, I consider myself somewhat of an expert. Ha, got you there, didn't I! I am no expert, but I do know at least a little bit about the subject. So, of course I started thinking again...not too dangerously, just enough to wonder how things have changed and how this vagabond but structured lifestyle is going to affect our two boys.

Don't ask me what got me looking, but somehow, I found a library book entitled, Military Brats by Mary Edwards Wertsch. I put it on hold and got it last week. I did a double take when the librarian handed me the thing....it's heavier than a dictionary! My first thought was, "Man, how can there be so much be written on the subject?" and my second thought was "Oh God, this stuff must really be dry". Well, much of the stuff is psycho analyzing bullsh*t in there and yes, it is dry, but it got me thinking about my own life. On a positive note, the book has many stories and quotes from military brats, and it made me look back fondly on my own time as one.

I was born in Germany, shortly before my dad deployed to Vietnam. He ended up spending two separate tours there, once as a tanker (cavalry) and then again as a helicopter pilot (Air Cav). Obviously, I don't remember much about those early years, other than poking around at some little salamanders in the stream behind my German grandparents' house. Our first military move was to the US, where the only language I spoke was German at 6 years old. I also promptly got lost my first time in a big department store in New York City no less. If it wasn't for the little old Jewish man, who marveled at my German and helped me find my mom, Lord knows where I would be today!

My mom and I dutifully moved with my dad. I distinctly remember being dropped off at the CDC, or whatever it was called back in those days. We used to have lots of "quiet time" on mats when the hours dragged on. When I was older, my little brother joined me there too. I guess my parents liked to go out a lot. The "old Army" had lots of parties, drinking opportunities and official events, as mentioned in this Army Brats book. The Army had a different mentality back then...not all good, but it was a more grand and social thing than it is today.

As I got even older, I found that even though I knew I would miss my friends, I would get antsy about being in a place too long. I would get excited about experiencing and seeing new things. Even though I am an introvert, I looked forward to making new friends, and I know if I wasn't thrust into new situations like I was, I probably would not have been as successful in life, knowing my true personality.

I also grew up to love traveling and trying new things, and my best friend became whatever big novel I could get my hands on. I think all this moving around directly influenced my love of reading. As far as school and grades, I guess I am one of the lucky ones. It can be difficult, but the experience can make you more flexible and determined, all which will help you out later in life. I did have friends who had trouble adjusting, or their grades didn't carry over well or especially in high school, they sometimes had different class requirements at their new school and had to double up. But, most were able to get through this phase and many went on to some of the best colleges around. Many military folks do try to have one duty station during the high school years to even the playing field...sometimes it is doable and the Army does try very hard to accomondate soldiers with high school juniors.

For those of you who did not grow up in the military, do you remember how hard it can be to make new friends? Many military brats move where there are other military brats and just like our parents, we make friends quickly when thrown into that situation. People going through the same transitions tend to gravitate towards each other anyway. And gravitate we did...at each duty station. I made some of my best friends during those years.

Now let's get to some things to consider with you and your kids:

• All the experiences you and your children have such as the above will make your children flexible, stronger, well read, well traveled, more thoughtful and for the most part, smarter and more worldly adults

• There will be kids who have some difficulty. Get help EARLY. Check with your mental health counselors on post as well as at your school. Counseling and early intervention can work wonders. The man who wrote the introduction for Military Brats was the author of the famous The Great Santini, which is a story of everything that can go wrong in a military family. It was later made into a movie and is well worth watching if you have children.

• What American kid knows where the Tiergarten or La Celle St. Cloud is or something just as exotic? Who can speak a few words in a few different languages? Only a military kid.

• Who can easily navigate trains, buses and a variety of means of transportation? That's your kid too.

• With exposure to many different cultures and people, your kid will have their own sense of style...which can be a good thing, and they will eventually be more sensitive to others and where they are coming from...this will be a BIG plus when they are all grown up.

• Military kids tend to be more aware of world events and history. It's embarrassing, as a culture, that we Americans are seen as a laughing stock by other countries whose kids consistently outdo us in this arena.

So what has changed from when I was a brat?

• Less moving around for the most part, especially if your military spouse is enlisted. This enables us to grow bigger roots, which can be both good and bad (possible inflexibility but ability to form lasting and more growing relationships).

• More opportunities to meet non-military folks. A lot of us live off-post now.

• More exposure to what our military mommy or daddy does. Most units have family day and parents talk about their job to their kids. In the old days, this was not so and many kids knew only that their parent wore a certain outfit and was gone a lot. If there wasn't a strong mother or father who stayed behind, the kids would suffer for it. I see a lot more kids happily running around at the playground with their mini camouflage uniform on, proudly proclaiming what their daddy does for a living.
  

• Less structured home life. I'm not sure what this phenomenon was, but before my time, most military families were run with a real sense of order and discipline...when I was younger and now.....NOT...in fact, it's sometimes the opposite! I can think this had a lot to do with my mother's influence, as she had a strong personality.
  

• Free healthcare, subsidized food and lodging til the military cuts you off, typically after you graduate from college. Most civilian kids lose most of these privileges right after high school.

• Less tolerance of alcohol abuse. The old military did revolve somewhat around alcohol and even drugs in the 1970s. My father told me of pulling staff duty and having to actually have a loaded pistol on you. I had teenage friends who couldn't stay away from the sauce either, as a direct result of what their parents "taught" them. The Army has changed along with society and alcohol and drug abuse. Spousal abuse is also not accepted, ignored or encouraged behavior. That's a good thing of course.
  

As I mentioned before, the Army is even continuing to change now...even as I write this. There has been a huge shift towards the importance of the family, and to tell you the truth, I look forward to it! If you've read this far, then you know it must be something worthwhile. If you or your spouse are thinking of joining, yes the Army is stretched thin right now...but there are great things to come. Read some of these reasons why I love Army life!

Do you have anything you'd like to add?

Why We Don't Follow Through Disciplining Our Kids and What We Can Do About It

We've all heard it before. We've seen it on Dr. Phil and Oprah...read it in books and magazines. When it comes to child rearing...yes "child rearing" and not "raising....like corn", we hear the same advice over and over again - consistency. Whatever child disciplining methodology we follow or have made up ourselves, if you don't do it consistently, it falls apart. Since no one likes to fail, but does learn from failure, perhaps we should identify the top 10 reasons we don't always follow through and what we can do about it.What excuses have you used in the past? What techniques can you recommend for the rest of us?
Here are my favorite...I mean, excuses I shouldn't be using:

1. I'm just SOOOOO tired (or maybe it's just laziness or distraction) and don't want to investigate what they are up to, so I will just let it go.
   
2. I'll let my husband take care of it and then scream his name a few times in a row til he answers....or doesn't.
   
3. I'm busy with something...my hands are full of cake flour, soap, dirt, _____(insert your own word here).
4. I forgot I already punished them for doing whatever they did and don't say a word when they turn on the TV, play Gameboy, go to their friends' house (or whatever you punished them for).
5. I'll try yelling at them again....I know it didn't help the last time....but maybe just this once it will so they'll never disobey again.
6. Get over here so I can spank your butt and then later I'll get mad at you because you ran after the cat trying to whip it with the stick.
7. It might be too embarrassing in public, and it'll make us stand out. I need to get my shopping done. Just go ahead....get as much candy as you want...I'll deal with you later...and don't.
8. Look at little Johnny....he doesn't do that....you have no idea what little Johnny does at his home.
9. When your father comes home...
10. And my personal favorite.....after listening to five minutes of the kids saying, "he did it!", "no, she did it!", giving up and going back to going about my business.

So the next time you try to use one of these excuses, know that you're not the only one! It takes a concerted effort to take that extra step to let your child know what they did was wrong...and not to do it again. I'm getting better at it. I like to remind myself of the following things:

1. It is absolute human nature for a child to consistently test his boundaries, and I should be aware of this.
2. Our children look to us for love and direction. If we fail on both counts, it will have a negative impact on our children they could carry around for the rest of their lives. Kids actually want to be hugged, kissed, acknowledged and given their boundaries. It shows you care about them, and that you feel they are VALUED.
3. Consistency and swiftness are the key. When your kid screws up, react then...not later and don't push it off on your spouse. Timeouts work best for the little ones. For the older ones, take those privileges away. Be specific. Give a time limit. The key is to remember what you took away and what the time limit was. This is my weakness!
4. Take special note of the times they are well behaved and do the right thing. It is so important you PRAISE them for that. Don't say, "I am proud of you because you are a good boy". Say "I am so proud you put all your toys away without asking and for sitting quietly at Miss Sarah's house"...and give them a hug. It IS a big deal!
5. Don't devalue your kids by constantly praising them either...just for being a kid and doing ordinary bodily function things (although potty training is different). You know, the parents who are constantly telling their kids how great THEY are and how pretty THEY are..praising them for just existing. Those are the kids who end up being maladjusted and screwed up as adults....don't set them up for that. Praise the action, not the kid.
6. Get down at your kid's level and tell them what they did wrong or what you didn't appreciate they just did. Look them in the eye and hold them firmly. Let them know you are serious. It's okay to get their feedback before you come up with a punishment (yes, parents do make mistakes), but once you decide what that will be..stand firm.
7. Yes, stand firm! If "something comes along" for them to do...well, they just won't be able to do it. The ONLY exception I make is if someone is counting on their attendance, and it would affect a whole lot of people if they didn't show up, such as a championship ball game or a birthday party already RSVPed. Not showing up or canceling would just be rude. Explain this to your child why they are allowed to go and then get right back on track when they get home.
   
   

What excuses have you used in the past? What discipline techniques do you use?

Use Movies to Teach Your Children the Lessons of Life

I know our kids watch a lot of movie and TV junk. Remember the old days when we used to play outside from sun-up til sundown and didn't even have to check in with our parents? I remember movies being a treat rather than the norm back then. As much as I hate to complain about all the TV and movie watching, I like to find a silver lining in whatever we do. You might as well use the movies as teaching lessons for your kids.

When we adults go see a movie, inevitably, we stand around the water cooler and discuss it. We talk about the parts we loved or hated. We also like to discuss what the characters experienced, saw and how they dealt with the issues and ordeals they faced. Of course we also like to talk about the bad acting and the impossibility of whatever happened. It only stands to reason that your kids think through some of the same things and with your careful listening and prodding, you can make help your child make some big strides in their development and maturity.

They may be asking:

• How did the characters deal with their situation?

• Was the choice right, wrong or indifferent? What if he had chosen differently, and how would that have changed things around him?

• What things did that character have no control over? Was there divine intervention or just dumb luck?

• Is that person a hero or someone I could ever imagine being? What about the bad guy and why did he do what he did?

With it being the Christmas Season, we recently watched A Christmas Story, which is chock full of lessons on life. After watching it, we discussed:

• Did you ever want something so badly too? What did you do about it?

• Does your family have something like the "leg lamp" in the movie? Is there something someone loves and everyone else hates?

• What caused Ralphie to get the courage to confront Scott and beat him up? What made him so angry?

• What's a bad word? Are you allowed to say bad words? What do you think of getting your mouth washed out with soap for saying a bad word? Would that keep you from saying it again? If not, what would?

• Do you know any bullies like Scott? What would you do if a bully confronted you?

• Back then, people listened to radio rather than TV. Explain why. Is there a show you like to watch a lot too? Why that show?

• Did Ralphie do the right thing by blaming his friend?

• Ralphie was disappointed with Santa. Have you ever been disappointed?

• Did you ever get a gift you didn't like? What was the worst gift you ever got?

• Talk about when you were young and if you ever got something you wished for. Talk about Ralphie dreaming about something which ended up being better as a dream than reality. Why do things like that happen, and explain if it ever happened to you.

Be sure to let your child do most of the talking and ask open ended questions such as these. While you are discussing, make sure you repeat the main lessons you want to get across from the movie. Don't criticize your child for saying perhaps the "wrong" thing, but instead answer back with "Another way you can look at it" or "Another way he could have done that, is". This will really open up your child's mind and get them thinking more outside the box.

Do you have any favorite movies that have great lessons for kids? Please list them here so we can check them out too!

The Lunch Riot

My kids this morning shouted "No more!". It seems we had gotten into a lunch runt. If it wasn't PB&J, it was turkey on cheese. Yes, every once in awhile I packed them a different kind of sandwich, but for the most part...the stuff was incredibly boring. Are you in the same shoes? Here's how to rev up your lunch fare, and avert the next lunch riot.

Start thinking outside the box. Instead of a sandwich, how about this fare:

• Sandwich wrap. Get those flour tortillas and spread them with mayo or cream cheese. Put on your favorite meat choice and add sprinkled cheese. Roll up and wrap with plastic wrap. These also make great party food, either cut into slices (so you have nice spirals) or cut them in half (thru the plastic) and lay them in a dish at an angle.

• Chicken strips. Cut leftover chicken into strips. Pack something to dip them in such as ketchup, BBQ sauce or ranch dressing.

• Hotdog poppers. Cook a hotdog or two in the morning. Cut it up. Use those ketchup packets from the fast food joint. Let them dip their hotdog chunks at lunch.

• Soup. I bought a few small Thermoses a few weeks ago. The little one likes the change of pace with chicken noodle. Heat it up in the microwave that morning.

• Homemade Lunchables. Use your own crackers, cut up lunchmeat and cheese so kids can make their own stackers.

• Salami/pickle rolls. Spread thin slices of salami with mustard, lay a pickle spear on top, then roll and secure with toothpicks.
  

Sometimes, it is just the presentation that is "off". How about presenting the same things a different way?

• PB&J on graham crackers instead of bread.

• Instead of PB&J, make a sandwich with bananas and honey.

• Use a different kind of bread for that sandwich, such as some of the Italian varieties, sourdough, different grains, Hawaiian bread or a nice hoagie roll.

• Use frozen waffles (toasted) instead of bread slices with PB&J.

• If your child likes salads, fill a pita pocket with the ingredients and then send in some salad dressing, so they can pour it over the ingredients themselves.

What else can you put in that lunch to make it special?

• Baggie of cereal. The kids love it anyway, so why not indulge them every now and then.

• Bag of dried fruits. You can get the large slices and cut them up with kitchen shears and put 'em in a bag. The more colorful, the better.

• A hardcooked egg. Make it pretty by slicing it almost all the way thru with an egg slicer, so the pieces look like an accordian.

• Use colored plastic wrap during the holidays.

• Pack zuchinni chips instead of potato chips.

• Cereal bars are okay, and even a Pop Tart every now and then is okay too.

• Make your own granola.

• Don't forget to add a special note, joke or thought. We like to add sayings, such as the ones mentioned in this article.

Here are a few more ideas:

• Easy Lunch Recipes for Kids

• Lunchbox Recipes and Ideas

• Easy Lunchbox Stuffers
  

What do you do to make your child's lunch special?

Messy, Messy Kids' Rooms

What is wrong with this picture? Other than the young man playing with his action figures. A lot apparently, if he were to leave it that way. Does it remind you of your room when you were younger? Remember your mom shouting for you to clean up your room? Is this now your son's or daughter's room? There is a way to break the cycle.

Follow these steps below:

• You and your child must declutter the room before any more "clean your room" episodes, There is a right way to do this. Check How to Declutter a Room.
  

• You must have ample storage space for all their stuff. Storage cubbies and bins work best. Toyboxes...not so good. Everything gets too junked up in there.
  

• Straightening up must be part of a nightly ritual. I do mine throughout the house before I go to bed. It only takes 15 minutes. The kids can take 5 minutes to put away the things in their room too.
  

• If there are items still strewn about tomorrow morning, they magically disappear. When the kids wake up in the morning with key toys, Gameboys, favorite pairs of pants or shirt…missing. Well, let's say it'll leave an impression on them. Yes, I have actually taken things to Goodwill. It only takes one or two times to let your kids know you are serious and that if things aren’t put away. they will be donated to a child who does care. If you are not that militant...hide the garbage bag full of their stuff, and get it out at a much later date.
  

• Having too many things laying around is a sign YOUR CHILD HAS TOO MUCH STUFF. Get away from the consumerism…buy less, or if you’ve already bought, rotate the stuff or donate the excess. As long as you have ample storage space for your child, there is no excuse for a mess.
  

• For younger ones, don’t say “clean up your room”…break it up into sections and have them clean each subsequent area..it’s easier on the mind and psyche!

• Remind yourself, by having an orderly room, you will be setting your youngster up for success. Let's face it, messy adults are looked down upon as disorderly, dirty and not smart. That is obviously not so in many cases, but why set your child up with the chips stacked against him? Do the right thing as a parent and show the kiddos NOW, while it's still easy, how to keep their stuff organized. If we were to actually add up the minutes we look for things on a daily basis, it would amount to something like 10 years of our life or something to that effect!
  
  What do you do to teach your kids organization and responsibility?
  
  

Don't Wish for Them to Grow Up and Here's Why

Remember when you were running around with your diaper bag on one arm, purse on the other and then the baby in the stroller with all the accouterments and things you schlep around with babies? Or maybe you're still doing that. I don't know. All I know, is that I better not wish for the next stage. Remember when you said, "I can't wait for him to crawl" or "I can't wait for her to start kindergarten". Here's why you shouldn't be wishing for those thing and what you really should be doing.

If you still have your first baby in the house, you will most likely have no concept of the worries you heap upon yourself as your child gets older. So let me give you a preview.

• Toddlers are always getting into dangerous things, and even if we baby proof our house, we always worry when we go somewhere else. We also worry a lot when there is water nearby and are constantly looking what our child is putting in his mouth.
  

• With preschoolers, often times, they are with other people, such as a day care provider, plus they can catch every little cold or illness. So, we worry about all that.

• When they start going to school, we worry because they are out of our sight for most of the day. Will Junior get whacked in the head with the kickball again? Is he going to choke on food in the lunchroom?

• Now they are well established in grade school. They want to go to a friend's house...without you. Do they have dogs over there? What about guns? What are the parents like? Will my Susie be okay at school, because last week the school bully was chasing her around? They want to do their first sleepover, should I let them?
  

• In middle school, add all the issues from grade school. They will be around kids who smoke, drink and are s.e.x.ually active...YES, it already starts in middle school and more than the average parent realizes. They get a peek already in grade school, but this stuff starts full force in middle school! You also start seeing "the wrong crowd" and how do I keep my child away from those kids. Will my kid make the right choices?
  

• In high school, many of the same worries still apply. Now we have the added fact of driving, more drinking, s.e.x. and smoking and more "wrong crowds"! Are the teachers top notch and are there any molestors in the bunch? Will my kid continue to make the right choices?
  

• Friends who have kids in college say they worry more about their kids now than any other time before! They are really on their own now, and all you can do is hope you raised them right and that they make the right choices....again and again! The worst part is you don't see them on a daily basis. At least before, you could rest easy when they came home at night. It's not an option now.

• Do you think when they get married or get their first job the worrying stops? No, now you worry if your child has a good paying job and can support themselves...and about their family and children. Now the worrying has grown exponentially!
  

As you can see, it's never ending. If you let it, it can get the best of you, and you can really waste time, effort and to some extent, your health, worrying about things. Obviously, with some of the examples above, you can control a lot of these situations, particularly when they are younger. As they get older, you have to have faith that you raised them to be able to make their own decisions. This is why I cringe when I see parents doing everything for their children, even at a young age. Teach your kids some responsibility and how to problem solve on their own. Teach them to do simple tasks for themselves. You can already start this with your preschooler.

• A preschooler can sort laundry and help unload the dishwasher. They can also straighten out a blanket on their bed and carry their dishes to the sink.

• A younger grade school child can empty the dishwasher, set the table and do a little vacuuming. They can also clean their room (split it up into sections) and help put away laundry.

• An older grade school child can take out the trash, clean the catbox, feed the dog and do some dusting. They can also help in the yard.

• A teenager can do almost everything you can do. Give them something to do.

I have two grade school boys, age 8 and 10. In addition to a few chores, they are also responsible for getting themselves up for school. They have an alarm clock, and they also get themselves ready in the morning, make their beds and do their own breakfast on the weekdays. They do their lunches the evening before with my help, and they stage their backpacks and what they need for school the next day by the front door. It only takes one time to forget something and it most likely doesn't happen again. It's okay to let your child suffer some consequences if they forget something or fail to do something. My kids have had a few cheese sandwiches at school (forgotten lunches) and even suffered grade-wise (by forgetting a school paper), not to mention not attending an activity somewhere (because they forgot about it completely or they didn't prepare ahead of time). But guess what? It only happened a few times. How is your child ever going to learn in life if you do everything for them? What happens when they are on their own? Anyway, just some food for thought on this fine Friday...something to mull over on the weekend.

What are your thoughts on this?

Read this article and many others over at the Carnival of Family Life.