Ask VMW: My Husband Wants a Divorce!

I got a very sad email the other day:

I am sitting here numb writing this. I don't even know how to process this next bit of news. My husband, who just came home from a deployment, told me he does not want to be married anymore. I don't think it's another woman or anything I can put my finger on, but he seems absolutely dead set on this. I tried to ignore what he was saying, but now I see papers from a lawyer, so I guess he is serious. I don't even know where to begin? What do I do?

To be honest, I am numb reading your email. I am at this point, while I am writing this, trying to send cyberhugs through the airwaves. I don't want to profess knowing it all or even understanding what you are going through, but here is what I advise for you to do, not necessarily in the order listed below.

• Get yourself a lawyer ASAP. You can even go to your local Army JAG office. You just won't get the same lawyer your husband got.
• Know what your rights are as a military spouse. Don't let him sucker you into anything or sign anything, until you get it checked out. Many spouses don't realize until much later, what they should've done instead of what they actually did. You very well could be entitled to at least half of his retirement pay and certainly child support if you have children together.
  
• Surround yourself with positive people and people who genuinely care for you. You'll know who those people are the minute this gets out, and it well. Take them up on their offers of help and support, even if you feel you don't need it....you deserve it and your children too.
• Keep your chin up this entire process and continue to look straight ahead. Because you are who you are and so is your husband. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and if anyone has a problem with it, then you didn't need them in the first place.
  
• Make sure this is what BOTH of you want. If you can, try to get counseling first. We all have our ups and downs, and you want to make absolutely sure this is not just a down period and the relationship is truly on its way out.
• Read this wonderful blog. This strong Army wife went through the process herself, and she is now thriving, and her kids are thriving. She does such an excellent job of laying it all out there and nothing is off-limits. Get strength from her experience and many others like hers. There are MANY support groups out there. Find a support group and connect with others who are going through this as well.
  
• Stop by these other sites to get informed and to gather as much information as you can.

Military Divorce and Pensions

How is Military Retirement Pay Divided During Divorce

Military and Divorce

Frequently Asked Questions

If anyone knows of any other resources that can help here, please post them below. And Angie (name changed to protect anonymity), please know that we are thinking of you today and please know that you will emerge stronger from this life event, and we want to wish you positive thoughts and the strength and will to carry on as you go through this ordeal.

An American in a German Hospital

I frequently visit people in the hospital over here. Being the commander's wife, you like to see the new babies and check on people when they are hurt or sick. It's just the nature of what you do. When I go visit, the topic invariably gets to what it's like being in an American in a German hospital. It's not like being in the States they say. I've been in one myself, but never having been in an American hospital, I can't compare....but they sure can. Here are some things, that as an American, you should prepare yourself for.

• The doors and windows stay closed. I was in a German hospital, with my new baby, in the heat of a invariably hot summer with no AC...and wasn't allowed to open the windows...too drafty for the baby...and the door stays closed....Germans like to keep everything fairly quiet and contained....also privacy seems to be a issue as well.

• Bring your own gear. I'm talking sleepwear, houseshoes, robe, toiletries, things to do...nothing but the sheets you sleep on and maybe a glass of water is supplied for your convenience.

• Food. I'm not saying they don't feed you, but the food is usually bland, not enough and if you're not used to eating barely a roll for breakfast and a few coldcuts at dinnertime...you are going to starve....bring some snacks.

• Drink, particulary water. Germans like fizzy water..and lots of tea..if you don't like either, you'd better have a stash of fluids with you. Some of the German hospitals that cater to some Americans may have non-fizzy water, but for the most part, you are SOL....so bring your own.

• Questions. In the German healthcare system, you just don't ask questions...your doctor tells you what to do and when...you follow along with no questions asked...basta. Again, if your doctor is used to dealing with some Americans, he may have changed his tune somewhat. But I remember trying to chase down a doctor for someone once, and got a serious dressing down from the nurse...and that wasn't the only time. I learned this from my German grandfather...as a German, you keep your mouth shut and don't question your doctor. I'm not telling you to do that, but just be prepared when they look at you like you're nuts when you start asking questions, or worse, they grill you for doing it.

• Someone who speaks German. I know we have quite a few German wives in the unit. Befriend one and have her come along if she can...and if they are willing. I speak German and have done that quite a few times...it's the least I can do to help out in the unit. Once, when I was not there, we had a wife who was induced with Pitocin to get her labor going...she labored for a few hours, then next thing she knows, she was being given something "to help her sleep"...that turned into another drug that stopped her labor (sleep=stop labor?)....and then sent her home...before she even realized what was going on. She thought she was going to have the baby and soon...she didn't...until two weeks later. She really wished she had known that's what they were doing...guess it was not a literal translation.

Those are the highlights to keep in mind then. German hospitals are not the ala carte hospitals we have in the States. They are efficient for the most part, and do get things done but are low frills in many instances. Just know what to expect, and you'll be that much more prepared...and comfortable:-)) Have you had a foreign hospital experience? Or would you like to share some tips that made your hospital stay more comfortable in the States?

Hard-Wired to be Negative - Go Against Human Nature

When I woke up this morning, this quote was just sitting there, in my head, something along the lines of most of the stuff we worry about never happens. I think it's a quote from Mark Twain. Isn't it true though? So I just did some research. We have about 60,000 thoughts a day, which comes out to one thought about every second while we are awake. Of those 60,000 thoughts, close to 95% are the same thoughts we had....yesterday...and the day before....and even before that! And guess what? Most of them are negative! Is our brain wired to automatically think negative thoughts? Is this something that maybe helped our ancestors survive? What about now? Let's look into it then.

Think about some of the things you think about during the day. I know as a mom, I consider myself a worry wart. I am always wondering "what if" and worry about my kids' well being. It's as if I can't control it. Instead of thinking about all the wonderful things they must be doing today, I am thinking about all the things they are doing to get in trouble or things that may hurt them!

What about all those times you interact with other people? Strangers, friends and family. Rack your brain right now and think about some of the things that were said...the negative thoughts pop right out don't they? Did someone criticize your work or something you were wearing or something that you did? I bet someone did give you a complement somewhere in there....again on something you did or something you were wearing....but you just don't remember it, do you? Or it doesn't immediately come to mind.

Do you know it is possible not to dwell on the negative? Do you know dwelling on the negative could have adverse effects on your health? Negativity could get bad enough to cause you to sink into depression or can even give you anxiety issues that would preclude you from behaving somewhat normally. Who wants another medical condition they have to treat or take care of? I know I don't.

So, I've vowed....from today forward....to catch those negative thoughts AS I think of them. I will realize it is a negative thought...and immediately see if there is another way of looking at it. For example, instead of worrying about my husband on his next deployment....I've worried myself sick in the past, and that is not an understatement.....I am going to be thinking about some of the POSITIVE things that he is doing while he is there. I am going to talk to my husband ahead of time, and get a feel for what he will be accomplishing there within the realm of not revealing classified or sensitive data. Your husband can tell you, basically anyway, what he will be doing. When those negative thoughts then enter your brain, you can flip the switch and start thinking of those children who will be safe on their way to school now, or the new programs and ideas your husband is bringing with him....move the thinking in another direction.

Granted, we will continue to have negative thoughts....but at least now, if you are aware of them, you can realize what you are doing. Awareness is the key here. After you complete this exercise for a few days, you will realize you are a happier and healthier person. It just seems to work out that way.

You might want to check out these resources too:

20 Simple Tips to Overcome Negative Thoughts

Stop Negative Thoughts

How to Squash Negative Thought Patterns

Do you have anything to add?

Change in Bowel Habits Does Not Equal Embarrassment

I write today with a heavy heart and soul. My grandmom is right now struggling with life and fighting against a cancer that has literally grown exponentially in her bowels. Yes, she has colon cancer, one of the deadliest cancers out there. I am about to get on a plane to go back to the States, and I hope I can reach her in time. I have left a few things unsaid, plus I hope that there is some hope for her and her continued life. I'm sorry I won't be posting the rest of this week...obviously, right? But, before I leave, I want to absolutely give you the warning signs of possible colon cancer. It's not something ever to be too embarrassing to discuss. I also had my first colonoscopy at 39 years old, and let me tell you....worrying about it was worse than the actual procedure itself. Read on and safe a life....it could be yours or someone you love.

You know how we all like to joke about constipation...especially if it's only occasional, but suddenly, if it become chronic, no one wants to talk about it. If you ever have a change in bathroom habits, in particular, the ones below, PLEASE make an appointment with your doctor and get checked out. Don't let him talk you into doing the virtual colonoscopy...it just doesn't catch everything, and if you're going to go through the whole prep and voiding process anyway, you might as well go for the full monte. Only the bonafide tube up your butt will do the trick. It is painless, both before, during and after, and the worst of the whole procedure was the prep work. As long as you are okay with playing hookie for two days and not straying too far from the toilet, you'll do just fine and work yourself through it. You also have a very new appreciation of all the starving people in the world, as you'll feel like you are one of them. Your period cramps are worse than anything your bowels can throw at you, so don't let pain stand in your way either. It is insignificant. I saw throw at you, because the voiding can be particularly sudden and forceful if you know what I mean. With that being said, watch out for these signs:

• thin stools. I don't like to be graphic, but Katie Couric's husband, who brought to light...somewhat...colon cancer, complained of spaghetti thin strands of waste
• severe stomach cramping
• bloody stool (may also be an indicator of just plain hemorrhoids, but let your doctor determine that)
• unexplained and sudden weight loss
• strange feeling of fullness (as the tumor gets bigger)
• gassy and bloating issues (more so than normal for you)
• lethargy and tired (anemic due to blood loss)

You should also read some more about colon cancer here. If anyone else has any stories or things to share...about colon cancer or any other kind of cancer, please do post it here as well. Please keep your fingers crossed for my grandmom, and please pray that my husband and kids can hold down the fort by themselves. My 11 year old just had a load of responsibility heaped on him...whether he wanted it or not! His dad still has to run the battalion!

We are They

I had a run-in with someone's wife yesterday, who can only be labeled as a complainer...a whiner as they say in the military....someone who I think actually relishes in complaining about others and how they do things. Now I'm not saying there aren't good enough reasons to carry on about something that bothers you. We all have been in that situation, haven't we. But when you start seeing a pattern of someone complaining about how "they" do this wrong and why do "they" do the things that might not be norm for them. I've finally come up with an answer to someone who persists along this line of thinking...and it at least gets them to shut up...and if I'm really lucky, it gets them to think about things.

I reply, "We are they?" and then smile. Huh? In other words, instead of sitting on your fat duff complaining about what everyone else is doing, why don't you be a bit proactive and do something about it yourself? Why not voice your opinion in a different light, giving your ideas and input of how it can be done differently and perhaps more efficiently and then lending a hand in the implementation? Maybe if you get yourself involved it'll give you a greater sense of worth, a newfound energy and little twinkle in your eye where it was just plain dull before.....and you wondered why no one wants to hang around you....just some thoughts to chew on...

NikkiFitness is Kickin' My Butt Workout DVD

Don't tell anyone, but I haven't gone to the YMCA in a week...my excuse is that I haven't been feeling well, and I've been just so busy getting ready to move...at least that sounds legitimate...but who am I fooling? I am sorely out of shape...could probably stand to lose 10...no, even 15 pounds around here. I'm also going to use the excuse that I'm a military wife and most times, we have to run the household by ourselves...we can't count on anyone else because of our husband's schedules...not to mention if we have little ones either crying or crawling around, getting the breakfast dishes cleaned up can be a feat. I admit, I absolutely love our YMCA when I get the chance to go...but what about those times I don't feel like being around people or I just can't squeeze in the time to get there...what if I want to get moving in a skimpy workout outfit...as motivation I say...but not enough to stand in front of a crowd in that get-up.....or what about when we move and there is no YMCA? What options are out there? I recently did a workout video from my library...boy, was it boring...I don't believe how people can stomach that stuff for longer than a few minutes. Obviously, I can say I was prejudiced before popping in the Military Wife Workout, but since I like to say I have an open mind....I was pleasantly surprised.


After literally dripping in sweat after the 30 minutes..which actually breezed by faster than I thought...I reflected on what makes this video different...the good and the bad...

• Since the info is at the bottom of the screen, once you get familiar with the types of exercises, you can do this workout to any kind of music...that's different.

• I wanted to rest between sets...no rest...this is interval training at its purest...the only way you are going to melt that fat off as quickly as possibe the experts say. I'm sure once I get the hang of it and get in better shape, it won't be such a daunting task, and I'll be able to follow along better to boot.

• You do need a set of weights if you're not a beginner, so you have to plan for that. On the flipside, that is how you can make this DVD more challenging...add more weight.
  

• Speaking of beginners, it's easy to get behind and confused because the DVD does move quickly along from one exercise to the next exercise, but that is the nature of interval training.

• When I first started the DVD, I thought there was a thunderstorm brewing...turns out it was just the wind...it was a bit distracting at first, but once I got into it, I didn't hear it anymore. Note to technical staff...get that wind sound out of there...it would sound more professional and less "home video-ish" without it..the birds chirping are okay.

All in all, this is a good workout and not another rehash of what's already out there. It is priced a bit high when you look at the competition though of different workout videos. I think the creator would make more overall in the long run if she lowered the price to $12.99. But that is just nitpicking and my opinion. If the $19.99 is the difference between you sitting around on your duff and working out, then by all means, it's worth it to you. The creator also has a website at Nikki Fitness and is also a fitness commentator on Military.com, so this is not just a fleeting project for her. She seems to be genuinely interested in helping military wives get a workout that truly works.

Has anyone here tried this particular workout? Any other DVDs out there that are worth doing? Your thoughts on getting in shape and working out in general?

Question: How do I deal with no sleep and this deployment?

I can relate to this question that recently arrived in my inbox.

How in the world do I get some sleep? My husband has been deployed for only four months and I don't know how many more months of "no sleep" I can take! I think all night and worry all night and I just can't get any rest. How do I get to sleep and stay asleep? My job and my life is starting to suffer. Please help me.

Boy, can I relate. I am the world's worst worry wart. I admit that I've even woken up at night in a panic before in the past...it happens to just about all of us. But one thing we can do is prepare ourselves mentally for our brain wanting to continue to spin at high speed. Research shows that we DO need sleep to function properly and to be in our right mind. Here's how to get a good night's rest and to keep those worries from eating at your health and well being.

My mind always works full speed...right after I turn out the light. It's as if another switch has been turned on inside my head. It's always been that way for me...don't know why and don't care...I just care that I can set things aside and get some sleep after I followed the advice below.

I always keep a paperpad right by my bed. If I have some Einstein-like idea or think of something to add to my never ending "to do" list, I write it down and then push it out of my mind. If my husband is deployed or is in some potentially dangerous training, I write down my concerns and fears on a piece of paper. Then I tell myself, I am going to take these issues and put them in the drawer by my bed and so they're nott in my head any more. They are still secure and not forgotten at this point.They are obviously valid concerns but don't belong in my head while I'm sleeping. An important point for my brain to process... is to look at it as some kind of free ticket to putting things aside. ...that's important...you have to let your mind know this or it won't work. This should give your brain some peace of mind and allow it to rest. If you must, tell yourself you will get out that paper the next morning and revisit your fears, but for right now, you are taking a rest from them.

This may sound trite, but I know believing in God and having a talk with a local pastor can help when things get severe and out-of-control. Once I realized that some things were out of my hands and that I have to have some kind of faith, it was as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. My grandmom used to say that God is so wise and doesn't make mistakes and that we should enjoy every day we have on this Earth and that when our time comes, he will come for us and take us, only to reunite us at a later time with our loved ones....our time on Earth is only a fleeting event in our journey, and that we won't know how we and our lives fit in, in the great scheme of things until after we are gone. This gives me great comfort...I will never forget an interview with one of the dads who lost his child in the 9/11 plane crash into the Pentagon. This child was going on an exciting field trip with some other students and their teacher. This father said that his child is now safe and with God. His child was just on loan to him, as are all things on this earth, and that he was looking forward to the day when he will see him again. He was so thankful that God allowed them the time they had together, and even though he was incredibly sad, he knew that this somehow fit into God's greater plan. It was heartbreaking to hear at the time, but I've found now....I do not fear death and the unknown like I used to, largely because of listening to this man. It has helped me, knowing that God will take care of my husband should something dreadful happen "over there". I've come to find out I can deal better now with the stress and anxiety of the whole thing...which in turn leads me to better sleep.

On the flipside...without you realizing it...your brain is also running through "what if" and "how am I going to run this house and raise these kids on my own"? Before your husband leaves the next time, you need to learn how to become the head of our household. Get familiar with your finances, how to pay your bills and how to access all your accounts. Do have all your legal and financial paperwork in order. Talk to your husband and get a plan (a will or living trust) should the unthinkable happen. Have plenty of life insurance so you won't have to make any financial decisions when you least expect it. Also talk about your kids and what his expectations are of them. Try to get on the same sheet of music on their upbringing. I found that when I took over the finances and started running the household, I became a more confident and mature person...more settled. It also had the added benefit of my husband not worrying about us back here, knowing that I "had it in the bag". Worrying about us at the wrong moment could have dire consequences for him. He needs to be able to focus completely on his job to keep him and his soldiers safe.

I hope this will help you. How do you deal with your sleepless nights and worries?

How to Pick a Doctor to Remove My "X"

I know many of us have insurance through the military. Many of us get our healthcare on post. There are some of us though who choose to get our care on the outside, through a civilian doctor. Of course, if we want Tricare to pay for it, we have to go through a Tricare provider, plus if we see a specialist, we need a referral from our regular doctor, aka primary care manager. I recently had a procedure done and found out I did have a choice in who to pick. I stared at a list of doctors in my area, not knowing which one I should choose and why. So, I followed these steps.

• I googled them. I googled them one by one. Wow, one had done something I consider a bit risque (yes, it was him...I saw his photo) and another was on the State Medical Board of Health, a position that not everyone is even considered for. He was selected by the governor to sit on that board. How impressive.

• I checked which ones were board certified at American Board of Medical Specialties. If they weren't, I crossed them off my list.

• Has the doctor ever been disciplined? Check U Compare Health Care. You'll even see his hospital affiliation and where he went to school. I would've had reservations if he had gotten his medical degree on some tropical island.
  

• Practice makes perfect, right? I checked how many surgeries of this particular kind the doctor has under his belt. I asked the doctor this directly but also found out his hospital affiliation and called the hospital to get that information there too (he was right). If I wanted to delve a bit farther, I could've checked Health Grades for a fee.

• I contacted Tricare and checked out what the average cost was for that procedure, how much Tricare pays and what, if any, my copay would be. I also checked with each doctor's office and asked what their charge was. This gave me a better idea of what the cost should be..what was reasonable and what perhaps wasn't.

• I checked if any had been sued for malpractice. That in itself may not tell you enough though. Some doctors, depending on their specialty, may get sued more than others. You have to compare apples to apples, comparing doctors of that specialty to others in that field.

What do you do, if anything before you let a doctor take a knife to you?

Ladies (not Men), Would You Recognize This as a Heart Attack?

We've all seen a movie or two with some guy clutching his chest and keeling over from a heart attack. Most of us think a heart attack will hit us just like that, with a gripping pain in the chest, a quick chance for a grunt and a grimace and almost no time to react. Well, let me tell you about Alice. I always liked talking to Alice. Alice is a cashier at my local grocery store. Alice always has such a nice smile, friendly manner and voice, and even when I'm in a down mood, she always manages to leave me with a spring in my step when I leave her checkout counter. About a month ago, I noticed Alice was no longer in her familiar spot. Where was Alice?

Sheltered in my own little world, I never had the gumption to ask where she was? I mean, I didn't want to ask if she was fired or something...or moved somewhere else...what if something bad had happened? I just didn't want to know that and assumed Alice was on vacation.

Just as I was getting up my nerve to ask, I did find out what happened to Alice. Alice had had a heart attack. She was back a few Mondays later, looking a bit tired and worn and worse for the wear. I was genuinely happy to see her. She proceeded to tell me what had happened. She said it was her mission that day to tell every woman she met, what her symptoms were. Come to find out, she was told women traditionally have these symptoms and not the clutching heart symptoms that men typically get. If you or anyone you know has any of these symptoms, please go see your doctor post haste. One symptom or another may not mean you are gearing towards a heart attack, but a combination of these symptoms might mean you are! Better to be safe than sorry. Doctors can actually catch a heart attack before it happens. Hah, you say, I'm not old. You don't have to be. Alice is 32 years old and does not have a family history of heart disease. So, let's go over these symptoms:

• Consistently being short of breath and very, very tired. If you have to sit and rest while making your bed in the morning, you are suspect.
• Tingly fingers on one side of the body. This was Alice's first symptom that she noticed, about a month before she went to the doctor. Of course tingly fingers can mean other things too. Just don't ignore it.
  
• Sciatica pain down one leg. Many of us remember this from our pregnancy days and know what this feels like. Hers just continued to get worse.
• Lower back pain. Alice thought she might be having some kind of kidney problem. This is why she went to the doctor, and this is why they caught her heart problems early, after only a small heart attack.
• Unexplained nausea and cold sweats. She typically had these at night and thought that she was going into some kind of early menopause.
  

The doctors told Alice, that she had had a silent heart attack. A few more of those, and she would've keeled over permanently. She had these symptoms for about a month before she went in. She never had ANY chest pain. An NIH study I recently read, showed that less than 37% of women experiencing a heart attack actually have chest pain. Get to know these symptoms, share them with every woman you know, and if you are feeling them yourself, get checked out immediately. Alice would want me to pass this on!

Fool Yourself Into Eating Less

You can totally fool your brain into thinking you are eating less than you are. It's funny how what we eat and how much we weigh and how much we look are all directly related to how our brain processes things. Remember those fun optical illusions? Yet another fun way to fool your brain into something else. Did you ever wonder if this could be done with food and if so, how can we go about stuffing our faces less?

Keep these tips in mind to fool your old noggin':

• Drink a full glass of water before you eat any meal. You'll feel fuller faster..hence, less calories get stuffed into your midsection.

• Eat multiple small meals rather than the big three. It's when you get those hunger pangs where you tend to overeat. If you are hungry, you are almost too late to stop yourself! Nip it before it hits you.

• Eat from a blue plate. Scientific mumbo jumbo says that blue is calming and because it's rare to find a piece of blue food, your mind doesn't connect the color blue with food. Try it out. Blue is an appetite suppressant. Along those lines, if you like powder blue, paint your kitchen with it too!

• Sneak in 10" rather than standard 12" plates. Your eyes will think you have more on your plate, and your brain will think you are getting the same amount as you did before.

• Limit your sidedishes to just one. The more choices there are, the more you are inclined to "just try this one and that one..." and pretty soon, your plate is overloaded....you know...like at potlucks and parties. Less choices, less food-loading.

• Use dessert spoons instead of regular spoons. Fooled yet again! Not just dainty but smart too.
  

• Don't put serving dishes on the table and if you must have them there, keep the lids on. This'll trick your brain into "out of sight, out of mind". The more your mind sees food sitting around, the more the tendency is for you to "clean up" and "just one more shovelful".

• Don't be the family garbage can. My dad used to play this role. Whoever didn't finish their food, he cleaned their plate. It was almost comical...until his gut started to grow exponentially! Dish out smaller servings next time, and allow the kids to have seconds. Stay away from the "clean your plate mentality"...that went out with the Dark Ages. If you absolutely hate wasted food (me too), then use small servings and give any extra to the doggie (but not too much...too much human food is not good for them either).

• It's okay to have leftovers. I have a friend who refuses to serve leftovers. Whatever. That is why everyone is so big in that family. There is no law saying you can't serve leftovers...at least once. I know it's many of the husbands that are resistant. If you have to, dress it up a different way or serve a new side dish or vegetable with it. They'll get over it, and they'll eat it.

What do you do to fool yourself?

Gratituding

I know that's not a word. I just wanted to grab your attention. Every once in awhile, I do have a "down day". I happen to be having one today. I bet you do too sometimes. How do you get out of that slump? What do you do to pull yourself out of it? How do you get yourself steered back in the right direction..which is back up again? I do this one simple exercise, once a day, to get myself back on track.

Take the time tonight to write down three things that truly made you happy today. Or write down something that left a positive impression on you, whether it was something your kids or husband said or did...something you read or saw...whatever it is, write it down.

You'll soon find you have a nice collection before long. Keep your treasured moments and experiences close like this...because, let's admit it...our brains may be vast depositories of information but if there is no card catalog...we can't always access everything that's in there. When you are feeling down, get out the notebook and read your blessings and things that have made you happy...you can actually count them and re-live them! Re-energize yourself and get back in the positive with this little trick.

What do you do to give yourself that little boost when your chips are down?

Exercise Without Exercising

You can actually get some exercising done without setting time aside and without going to the gym or wherever. You can even lose pounds and inches and not even realize it. I'm not talking about some kind of miracle mumbo jumbo, just an alternate way of doing things in your daily life. Here's the scoop.

Plan ahead a bit...and get on the road to a "new you" with minimum hassle and a just a bit of planning:

• Park at the end of the parking lot. Stop looking for spaces right at the entrance. There is also the added benefit of keeping down the number of possible door dings to your car, and most likely, you won't have to hunt for parking either.

• Keep it parked far away. If you are in a place with errand running in one area....just keep your car where it is!
  

• Take the stairs. Stay away from elevators and escalators and anything mechanical. You really can get a great workout, even if it's only for a few minutes, walking up a flight of stairs...or two.

• Do two things at once. This may seem silly, but go ahead and do squats or toe lifts while on the phone or brushing your hair or teeth. Let the person on the other end think what they may.

• Dance while dusting. I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it, but I jump around to music when I have to dust or even vacuum...what a workout!

• Play outside with your kids. We went to the park this past weekend and played catch, hit the baseball and had a great time. Burn calories, burn baby!
  

• Walk the longest route. Don't walk the most direct route if you are walking somewhere. Plan ahead so you have the time to do this. You may find something interesting and worthwhile going the other way.

• Take a dance class. Our YMCA offers low-cost dance classes. In light of "Dancing with the Stars" and some of the other shows out there...do you listen to the interviews with some of those ladies? They always talk about how much weight they lost and how fit they feel (and look). Granted, there can be a steep learning curve for some of those steps...but hey, if you are at your local YMCA or community center, who cares? You're moving and you're grooving.

• Do some yoga or some other Eastern kind of meditating. You're not physically jumping around and feeling like you're exercising (ie torturing yourself)...but you are exercising AND losing weight AND getting fit AND doing something for your brain too in the process.

• Set something up with your friends. I don't know about you, but when I gossip with my friends, I don't even realize how the time flies. Imagine walking while you are doing this. You'll walk two miles before you even realize what happened and how you got there. You also have the added benefit of keeping each other accountable. No one likes to disappoint a friend, and most of us would show up to walk, rather than call a friend and make excuses why we couldn't make it.

• Do some yardwork. Yardwork can build some serious muscle! Your lawn and garden will also be the envy of the neighborhood. No need to know what you're doing! I get library books for tips, and we even have a county extention program that offers classes from composting, to building a rain barrel to maintaining your lawn.

• Chair aerobics. Even if you are sitting, hold in your gut...then let it out...do umpteen repetitions of that. Leg lifts work great from a chair. You can also squeeze a tennis ball at your desk. What a stress reliever to boot!
  

• Housework. I know you didn't want to hear this one...but listen, two weeks ago, I actually scrubbed our tile floor. I realized they are actually supposed to be lighter in color than they were....ooops. It felt good, and I got something else done in the process.

What do you do to get more out of your day?

Free Personalized Menu and Fitness Plans

Normally, I like to stay away from processed foods. For the most part, they do have a lot of additives (ie junk that makes them smell and look good) and then they sock you with a higher price on top of that indignity. But, with that being said, you know I'm going to point out a silver lining here. I found a site that has been a big help in my menu planning, and now, they also have a daily fitness plan to get you moving and keep you on track.

I'm talking about Kraft Foods. I signed up for their seasonal magazine, which is full of recipes, menu and snack ideas, plus what's new at Kraft. The magazine comes in my mailbox five times a year. I rip out the pages of recipes I want to try, and dutifully keep track of these recipes like this. I know, I know...a few pages are marketing fluff, but for the most part, I've been pleasantly surprised.

One of Kraft Foods updated features, is their customizable Meal and Fitness Plan. You get recipes for breakfast, lunch, dinner, desserts and snacks depending on your level of caloric intake. You'll also get a blurb on what to do to burn some calories that day. Be sure to check it out and let me know how it works out for you.

What do you do to get menu ideas? How do you go about planning your menus? Do you have a fitness plan or something you like to do to stay active? Please do share your ideas.

Roasting a Chicken IS Therapy

There is a very short connection between your brain and your nose, if you haven't noticed this already. Remember when the smell of bacon and eggs used to rouse you out of bed? Freshly baked cookies remind me of my childhood. Did you know roasting a chicken can bring instant therapy and healing?

This is actually an excerpt from Jacey Eckhardt's book, The Homefront Club, a book written by a military spouse with lots of light hearted stories and advice.

"Having a really wish-we-never-moved-hate-this-stupid place kind of day? Then roast a chicken. I always do. It's better than Prozac for the unsettled soul. And a roasted chicken takes no culinary talent whatsoever. Rinse the bird off. Dig out its entrails. Stuff the cavity with an onion or a cut lemon and some rosemary and thyme. Add a little salt and pepper. Roast at 325 deg for 25 min per lb. Baste. Because as you go about your chores, as you dig away your life, the scent of Roast Chicken Love will fill your house. It smells so promising, so cozy. So darn homey, you can't help but feel your spirits lift. And it's good for at least two meals."


I can't help but agree! I like to get a small bowl and make a mix of salt, pepper, thyme, minced garlic and rosemary and take a wooden spoon handle and slide some of that mix between the skin and the meat of the chicken. Then, I rub the chicken in olive oil before putting it in a preheated oven. Round out the meal with a pot of fresh steamed green beans and a box of instant potatoes (or fresh if you are so inclined). If you don't know how to make gravy, use a chicken gravy packet. If you want to go the extra step and make it from scratch, after the chicken is done (use a meat thermometer to double check; those thermometers that instantly give you temperatures from your roast or chicken via a cord make GREAT gifts for people who have to cook), put the pan drippings in a pot. I then add two teaspoons of chicken granules and 1-3/4 cups water. When that starts to boil, I take 1/4 cup cold water stirred up with 2 TBS flour, and put that in the pot. Stir and mix and bring to a boil...instant homemade gravy!


As far as leftovers, roast chicken makes great chicken salad or I will use the chicken pieces in a rice casserole the next day (any casserole with instant rice and a cream soup mix)! To make the chicken salad, I take all the chicken off the bone, shred it with two forks, add some mayo and chopped up celery, and that's it. It probably doesn't need any other seasonings either, although sometimes I'll put in whatever herb we have growing in the garden. I've never had a batch of anything-other-than-tasty chicken salad!


What do you cook that relaxes you as it cooks or bakes? What smells bring home childhood memories and good times in your house?

I Am What I Choose to Become

Life is all about choices, isn't it? We can choose to be happy, and we can choose to be miserable and we can choose to let things stress us out. Carl Jung said, "I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become". You've surely heard the phrase, "the glass is half full not half empty". It is our perception of things that gets us through the day and makes our life full of health, happiness and fulfillment. Here's how to grab your share.

• Let go of the garbage. I'm not saying your daily commitments and your responsibilities. Get rid of all that negative energy and carrying other people's problems around on your heart and in your head. Have you recently had a falling out with a friend? Just call and apologize and move on. Don't hold a grudge. Get things out in the open and deal with them and move on. You also can't worry about every little thing that is wrong with the world today either. You have to have faith that God or a higher power is taking care of things, in a way that we can't even begin to understand and that this is just a small part of our journey. You'll never figure it all out. Let it go.

• Take it step by step. You've heard this before. If you are faced with a monumentous task or there is some project that just seems daunting, identify the steps you need to do to get it done. Focus on the first task. When you're done with that, go on to the next step. This will break any mountain down into a molehill and make it more manageable to complete.

• You are the star in your life, so act like it. You are not a bystander in your life. Be the "do-er" and not the"do-ee". Don't let things happen to you. You make them happen. You take the initiative before someone else does.

• You need to reward yourself. Life is not all work, and you do deserve a break, okay? Do something you like to do and not what everyone else likes to do. Go out to a movie or to a restaurant of your choosing. Do something you find fun. It'll re-energize you.
  

• Is this really going to matter when I die? What I mean by this is, are you giving certain things more importance than they should be getting? Does it really matter in the big scope of things? Think about it before you stress over it.

• Stop what you're doing and take a break. Just put everything down and walk outside, get a breathe of fresh air or take a walk down the hallway. Do something different and then go back to the task at hand.

• Set time aside to wind down. Work at whatever it is you have to do, but do set time aside in your schedule to unwind before you start the next big task or get to bed. You want a clear head and a fresh outlook. Make this a part of your daily ritual, like brushing your teeth. Some folks exercise, others meditate or take in their favorite TV show. Obviously, doing something physical can be very rewarding in more ways than one, but as you see, there are choices here. When was the last time you worked on your favorite craft project?

• Don't let housework define you. This is mostly for you stay-at-home moms. Before I became enlightened, I didn't allow myself to relax or have a lot of fun because there was always some chore around the house that needed to be done. As soon as I realized that housework was not something to get done but something to get managed, a whole new world opened up to me. I chose to be more than "just a housewife and a mom". Find out more on how to do this in Housework doesn't always equaly drudgery.
  

Hopefully, I've given you some ideas to get you started. Think about these things from the moment you get up. You can choose to be in a foul or stressed out mood or you can choose not to. You are a person with countless potential, and I want you to succeed in life. If you don't see yourself as such, take the opportunity now, to close that book from the past and just start a new one..on a fresh page. You are worthy, and this is your life!

Getting Through Gully Low

It happens to the best of us...it happens to all of us...one time or another...more often than we would like. We reach a point where we just stare off into space..the thousand yard stare they call it in military lingo. My grandmom calls this feeling "gully low", cause I guess that's about as low as you can get. We're feeling "gully low", "dragging the black dog", depressed and hitting that low point. It can hit us at any time, but most of us wives know we get it often when our husbands are deployed or around the holidays. Why is this so and what can we do about it?

We're human. I'm not going to go into the science of it all, but everyone from Groucho Marx to Hillary Clinton to Ellen DeGeneres has felt it, and more than once too. Life takes us through cycles. That's how we grow and learn. Knowing what to do when you hit the low note and how to recognize where we are, are the first steps in moving back up again.

Here are some thoughts and tips to consider:

• When we are overwhelmed, our body's tendency is to want to shut out all outside stimuli. Recognize this fact and start prioritizing what you have to do. Make and list, and if some things fall off the bottom...IT IS OKAY.

• If you have too much going on, then you haven't delegated. You can't do everything. Ask your husband, friend, coworker or neighbor for help. It makes people feel good to help, so in a sense, you are helping them too and giving them a boost in the process. Do be prepared to help in the future, preferably without being asked. Good leaders delegate. You are a good leader.

• Get some sleep. A good rest can do wonders to reinvigorate.

• Get some sunlight. Scientific research shows it works.

• Listen to some relaxing music. Music can destress you and lowers your heart rate and blood pressure.

• Pet your dog or cat. This has the same effect as music but is even more powerful. Put everything down. Turn off the stove. Put out some crackers and cheese for the hungry kids and take a walk or a romp with Peaches.

• Play a fun, simple game with your children such as hide and seek or tag or read a book together.

• Don't overanalyze things or be unrealistic with your expectations. Sometimes, just let things be, or hit the rewind button and start from scratch. As long as no one is getting hurt and you can sit back and reflect, that's what should be top priority at the moment.

• Keep a journal to help you find out what time, day or place is the most difficult for you. Learn to recognize it before it's coming, and redirect your energy to something else before it starts. Or, if it's something that has to be done...eventually...then approach it from a different angle than you normally would.

• Complete a task you have been putting off a long time. Sometimes these things fester in our head without us even realizing it. You'll find you get a renewed sense of energy and accomplishment if you redirect and do something that's been sitting on your back burner forever...no matter how short the task.
  

What tips would you like to share?

What is Your Personality Dis...I mean Order?

Did you ever wonder why you do the things you do and why you feel comfortable in some situations and not others? If you are married, are you an exact copy of your husband or are you opposites? Did you know there is a scientific method to finding out your personality type? When I was in the Army, we took the Myers-Briggs Personality Test.

They sat us all down with pencils and papers and had us fill out the little dots. We lamented that it was such a waste of our time, but honestly, when we were done and the results were tallied, we were all astounded. Not only did we learn more about ourselves and how we function but also a lot about our fellow lieutenants. Kudos to the Army for making us do it.

What is your personality type? Take the Myers-Briggs personality test, and see what comes out. All you have to do is make sure you answer the questions honestly. My personality type is ISTJ, which was spot on and describes me to the point of being scary! Let me know your results and what you think of them!